A beautiful, moving music video about adoption
Monday, July 21, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Unimaginable Grief
Many of you know I am a fan of the group Selah, although I only followed them until the sister (Nicol) left the group in 2004. I was browsing some music/news about them, and read that Nicol had lost a baby to SIDS only weeks ago. This is only 7 weeks after her brother lost a newborn child as well! If you follow the link, you can follow these stories on their blog. I cannot imagine the grief this family is going through, and since they have been such a spiritual inspiration to me, I wanted to share their story so you could pray for them as well. I know we don't know them personally, but we like to follow the mundane gossip of the latest celebrity that means absolutely nothing to anybody. So I think it is only appropriate that when someone is hurting that has given so much of their life trying to serve the Lord and actually make a meaningful contribution to humanity, we should take a moment out to say a prayer for them. Then take another moment to realize how fragile and sacred life is while we hug our own babies extra long tonight.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Changing attitudes toward race?
I loved this article (Thanks to my MIL for saving it for me) and wanted to share it with you! I even posted it on my Facebook mini-feed, so if you read it there... it's the same article.
Rachel Lerman is the embodiment of melting-pot citizenry: Born in 1967 in Boston to a blonde, blue-eyed, Roman Catholic white woman and a black man from Nigeria, she was placed in foster care and shortly thereafter adopted by a white couple and raised Jewish.
This issue hits close to home with us, since we have adopted trans-racially (our daughter is Colombian and Mayan), and my sister is black. Okay, just kidding, she's not black, but her fiance is Caribbean and Portuguese. So yes, he's black. (Technically, dark brown, but you get the point.) And please stop with the "African-American" business. It is ridiculous to assume that all blacks are African, just as it is wrong to assume all whites are European. (I happen to half Caucasian, half of Mediterranean descent. It gets even muddier - the half Medit is actually Maltese, which is part Italian... so now I'm totally confused!!) We have had lots of discussions on interracial families, and what we find most fascinating is the difference in views between generations. Basically, the older you are, the harder it is to accept our multiracial society. Each generation seems to be a little more accepting, and although there are always exceptions and those just too steeped in ignorance and bitterness to let go of their racism, overall I think we are making progress. A lot of issues depends on individual confidence. A black person raised to be suspicious and bitter towards white people will interpret everything as "You're just doing that because I'm black." A multiracial child who is taught to be ashamed of one aspect of their heritage will shy away from it and struggle with identity issues. But we notice that people who are secure in who they are, or in the relationships they're in, can just shrug it off. Every once in a while it gets annoying, but overall you just roll your eyes.
I think it is important in racial issues (as with all areas of your life) to find BALANCE. I don't believe in complete assimilation of immigrants. Be proud of your heritage, keep your language, make your food, observe your holidays... BUT show us the same respect you want shown to you. Be proud of our heritage, our traditions, and learn our language as well. (I left out the food part, since I'm not a huge fan of American food. Hot dogs gag me and apple pie will send you to an early grave.) I think celebrating a separate culture is something done within your family and peer group, not something you force on your host country. I love experiencing other cultures, but I do get offended when they refuse to acknowledge mine. (Especially when they are living here.) NO, I don't expect complete assimilation, but I do expect respect. I love when my family does something specifically related to our heritage(s), but you won't see my immigrant grandparents with picket signs demanding they sing the national anthem in Maltese. We teach our daughter all about Colombia, but we also make her proud to be American. After all, that is what unites our family - we are Christians, and we are Americans.
So, what are you doing to improve the attitudes toward our multiracial society in your own family? How do you react to families of mixed heritage? Do you see them as impure mongrels or simply melting pot American? Do you still feel that staying racially pure is a moral issue, as believed for centuries? If you are a Christian, do you think your identity should be faith first, race(s) second, since the New Testament effectively lifted the race barriers? Come on, don't be shy! Let's have a discussion.
Rachel Lerman is the embodiment of melting-pot citizenry: Born in 1967 in Boston to a blonde, blue-eyed, Roman Catholic white woman and a black man from Nigeria, she was placed in foster care and shortly thereafter adopted by a white couple and raised Jewish.
This issue hits close to home with us, since we have adopted trans-racially (our daughter is Colombian and Mayan), and my sister is black. Okay, just kidding, she's not black, but her fiance is Caribbean and Portuguese. So yes, he's black. (Technically, dark brown, but you get the point.) And please stop with the "African-American" business. It is ridiculous to assume that all blacks are African, just as it is wrong to assume all whites are European. (I happen to half Caucasian, half of Mediterranean descent. It gets even muddier - the half Medit is actually Maltese, which is part Italian... so now I'm totally confused!!) We have had lots of discussions on interracial families, and what we find most fascinating is the difference in views between generations. Basically, the older you are, the harder it is to accept our multiracial society. Each generation seems to be a little more accepting, and although there are always exceptions and those just too steeped in ignorance and bitterness to let go of their racism, overall I think we are making progress. A lot of issues depends on individual confidence. A black person raised to be suspicious and bitter towards white people will interpret everything as "You're just doing that because I'm black." A multiracial child who is taught to be ashamed of one aspect of their heritage will shy away from it and struggle with identity issues. But we notice that people who are secure in who they are, or in the relationships they're in, can just shrug it off. Every once in a while it gets annoying, but overall you just roll your eyes.
I think it is important in racial issues (as with all areas of your life) to find BALANCE. I don't believe in complete assimilation of immigrants. Be proud of your heritage, keep your language, make your food, observe your holidays... BUT show us the same respect you want shown to you. Be proud of our heritage, our traditions, and learn our language as well. (I left out the food part, since I'm not a huge fan of American food. Hot dogs gag me and apple pie will send you to an early grave.) I think celebrating a separate culture is something done within your family and peer group, not something you force on your host country. I love experiencing other cultures, but I do get offended when they refuse to acknowledge mine. (Especially when they are living here.) NO, I don't expect complete assimilation, but I do expect respect. I love when my family does something specifically related to our heritage(s), but you won't see my immigrant grandparents with picket signs demanding they sing the national anthem in Maltese. We teach our daughter all about Colombia, but we also make her proud to be American. After all, that is what unites our family - we are Christians, and we are Americans.
So, what are you doing to improve the attitudes toward our multiracial society in your own family? How do you react to families of mixed heritage? Do you see them as impure mongrels or simply melting pot American? Do you still feel that staying racially pure is a moral issue, as believed for centuries? If you are a Christian, do you think your identity should be faith first, race(s) second, since the New Testament effectively lifted the race barriers? Come on, don't be shy! Let's have a discussion.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Just to clarify
I know I mentioned previously that I had been enjoying Molly's blog (Adventures in Mercy), and I know several of you mentioned to me that you had been reading it at my recommendation. While Molly has a witty and engaging writing style and we shared much of the same awakening experience, I just want to clarify that where we ended up are two very different places. This is in NO WAY disparaging Molly or her beliefs. I just want my readers to know that her beliefs are in no way a reflection of my own. (In fact, rather than take offense, she would also probably want to clarify that she does not believe like I do!!) Life is a long journey, and although you may meet people along the way that are stumbling or having the same struggles you do, that does not mean you will arrive at the same destination. Molly and I have arrived at very different places, andn I don't want to give a faulty impression of my own spiritual journey. Again, this is not to disparage those who I do not agree with, only to clarify that their beliefs and conclusions about Christianity are not my own. You know, that standard disclaimer most people have on their blogs! I love blogs that make you think and provoke you to do research. Molly's definitely does that!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Compensation Theology
I have really gotten a kick lately out of what I call "compensation theology." It's hard to explain, but I'll do my best. People will adopt this weird, extreme standard or conviction, and in doing so they feel they are spiritual enough justify sins in other areas of their life. For example, they will rant about a woman wearing blue jeans, and claim you're not even saved if you don't show up for Sunday School. However, then they get into their car and blare this crazy rock music or take the Lord's name in vain every other sentence. Huh?!?!? This confuses me. I am not saying that we all don't have different convictions, or that we should nit-pick people trying to do right and watch for them to slip up. We do, and in fact, we should, have different standards. I am simply talking about those people who go to the extreme, claiming some special inside-track to God. I know a guy from a former church who really thinks he has this special gift from God. He has prophetic visions, is a powerful public speaker, has had more para-normal experiences than an entire season of X-files, but at the end of the day is one of the most arrogant jerks you'll ever meet. He rails against women wearing pants, but you go to his home and his teen aged sons are drooling over chics gyrating around in very decent (yeah, right) costumes on American Idol. Am I condemning him for watching American Idol? I couldn't care less. (In fact, I even watched two seasons of it, until the talent dried up and it was just too boring to endure.) I am simply pointing out that he feels he is above rest of us, so those things are okay for him to do. He even claims that if you do not wish to attend Sunday School, you can't possibly be saved... but good luck finding him in church on Sunday night, let alone Wednesday night. Again, huh?!?! Before you give me a lecture on being judgmental of this guy, let me get to my point. No one takes this guy seriously because of the fact he is so proud of the few convictions he does have and likes to lord them over others. Any influence he could have had, he throws away because he practices compensation theology. As long as he adheres to a few really extreme convictions, he considers himself holy enough to allow himself the other indulgences. Be very, very careful before you announce to others what God's priorities are. Be very, very careful before you declare that your set of standards puts you in better standing with God than someone else's. What may cause you to sin may not even be an issue for someone else, and a good hearty dose of humility is what most of us need. I call it the "spiritual glass ceiling" when a person or church gives their list of add-ons. If you don't adopt their standards in addition to what is clearly defined in Scripture, you are never taken seriously spiritually at best, and branded a rebel and shunned at worst. Unfortunately, while they are obsessing about these issues that are not even Heaven or Hell issues, they often can't see the forest for the trees. They miss the truly damaging sins in their midst, because they are so distracted by focusing on the nonsense. But if you were to warn them about the issues that are truly threatening their families and children, they look at you blankly. They are far too holy to even consider that happening. Sorry, but the longest skirts on your gals and the smoothest shaved faces on the guys won't compensate for a humble heart tender to God's leading... and it won't produce it in your children either.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Digging Ditches
I have mentioned Jean Fleming's A Mother's Heart, and I really wanted to share one of my favorite chapters, or at least an excerpt. I will italicize what I take directly from the book.
This chapter is called "God's Part, My Part." First of all, unless God labors with you, your labors are in vain. We cannot do anything of spiritual or eternal value in the lives of our children. Oh, we can read all the parenting books, go to all the seminars, develop relationships with them, worry about them, pray for them, closely monitor their actions... and have them rebel against it all. You can take a child to church, but you can't make him worship. You can require Bible reading, but you can't make him enjoy it or learn from it. You can live a godly example, but he is not required to follow it. The best possible parenting cannot produce spiritual children any more than witnessing to others can make them Christians. This does not minimize our responsibilities, it simply requires us to acknowledge that our faith, by its very nature, must be embraced by one's own free will. You can beat a child to keep him from sinning, but then he will cease from sinning only to avoid a beating. When the danger of a beating is passed, the sinning will resume in earnest. There has to be a deeper and personal work done in the child's heart, and this is not something that can be beat into anyone. (If it could be, then the militant Muslims actually have it right. Why stop with our children? Why don't we just threaten everyone with physical pain and beat them into Christ's kingdom? But I digress...) Our very best mothering, done in faith, is our part. The rest is up to God working in the child's heart, coupled with the child's free will and ability to choose whether or not he will embrace the faith of his parents. Force it on them, and they will shake it off the first chance they get. Let them choose it on their own, and they will cling to it even when the threat of your punishment is past.
The author beautifully illustrates this concept with the story of King Joram of Israel in II Kings 3. He was leading his army against King Mesha of Moab, but after days of marching through the desert they faced a fatal problem - they had no water. They cried out for the man of God to give them guidance, and Elisha responded for them to "Make this valley full of ditches." Joram's men were given a back-breaking, thankless, unbelievably difficult job - digging ditches in the middle of the desert. This was their part, unromantic as it was, but they became part of a miracle. In the morning, the ditches were full of life-giving water. The army was refreshed, and their enemy was defeated. Mothering is the same concept. We can dig the ditches, but we cannot fill them with water. We can teach our children about God, live the Christian life before them, pray for them, and surround them with those who love and serve God. But only God can bring them spiritual life. God doesn't need our help, but He...invites us to co-labor with Him.
Again, this is not to minimize our responsibilities as parents, or to say that we have no blame if our own sinful lives drive our children away from Christ. I am simply warning against those who believe that a personal relationship with God and a deep and abiding faith in the authority of His Word can be produced in a child simply by "breaking their will." Break a child, and you end up with a broken child. Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
This chapter is called "God's Part, My Part." First of all, unless God labors with you, your labors are in vain. We cannot do anything of spiritual or eternal value in the lives of our children. Oh, we can read all the parenting books, go to all the seminars, develop relationships with them, worry about them, pray for them, closely monitor their actions... and have them rebel against it all. You can take a child to church, but you can't make him worship. You can require Bible reading, but you can't make him enjoy it or learn from it. You can live a godly example, but he is not required to follow it. The best possible parenting cannot produce spiritual children any more than witnessing to others can make them Christians. This does not minimize our responsibilities, it simply requires us to acknowledge that our faith, by its very nature, must be embraced by one's own free will. You can beat a child to keep him from sinning, but then he will cease from sinning only to avoid a beating. When the danger of a beating is passed, the sinning will resume in earnest. There has to be a deeper and personal work done in the child's heart, and this is not something that can be beat into anyone. (If it could be, then the militant Muslims actually have it right. Why stop with our children? Why don't we just threaten everyone with physical pain and beat them into Christ's kingdom? But I digress...) Our very best mothering, done in faith, is our part. The rest is up to God working in the child's heart, coupled with the child's free will and ability to choose whether or not he will embrace the faith of his parents. Force it on them, and they will shake it off the first chance they get. Let them choose it on their own, and they will cling to it even when the threat of your punishment is past.
The author beautifully illustrates this concept with the story of King Joram of Israel in II Kings 3. He was leading his army against King Mesha of Moab, but after days of marching through the desert they faced a fatal problem - they had no water. They cried out for the man of God to give them guidance, and Elisha responded for them to "Make this valley full of ditches." Joram's men were given a back-breaking, thankless, unbelievably difficult job - digging ditches in the middle of the desert. This was their part, unromantic as it was, but they became part of a miracle. In the morning, the ditches were full of life-giving water. The army was refreshed, and their enemy was defeated. Mothering is the same concept. We can dig the ditches, but we cannot fill them with water. We can teach our children about God, live the Christian life before them, pray for them, and surround them with those who love and serve God. But only God can bring them spiritual life. God doesn't need our help, but He...invites us to co-labor with Him.
Again, this is not to minimize our responsibilities as parents, or to say that we have no blame if our own sinful lives drive our children away from Christ. I am simply warning against those who believe that a personal relationship with God and a deep and abiding faith in the authority of His Word can be produced in a child simply by "breaking their will." Break a child, and you end up with a broken child. Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
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